hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
