I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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