How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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