At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
