There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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