Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
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The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
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i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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