and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
