You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
