even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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