So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
