We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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