You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
