Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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