I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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