every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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