I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
