I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
