i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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