That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
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this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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