Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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