Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
