I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
