VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
