this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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