Sponge bath it is.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
