If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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