In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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