The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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