I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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