it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
