When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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