Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Oh god it's open bar.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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