pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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