just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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