You were right. It hurts to walk today.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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