I got chris browned last night
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
