so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
