Kiss
Puke
I cannot find my penis.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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