Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
