i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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