:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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