need another drink. this is the easiest way
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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