They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
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As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
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