I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
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i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
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I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
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