Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Less talking, more tequila
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
