I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
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There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
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That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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