I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
