I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
