she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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