dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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