I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I don't deserve a penis
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
