No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Randomize
