well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
