Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
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I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
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all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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