My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
