I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize