I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
