Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
What did we do last night that was yellow?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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