I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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