I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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