I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I am naked and annoyed.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
