Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
