Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
