I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
tell me about the eggs
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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