OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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