so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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